Saturday, May 16, 2009

Time 4 Change?


The last two weeks that i haven't posted are in the past now, sorry for my absence. But i really need to say something that has been bothering me for a long time now. For the last eight months, i have been feeling so invisible. I hardly even see my hometown friends much anymore, and when i do i tend to act depressed and dark. I don't even know what happened since last September but it feels to me things have gotten so progressively worse. I used to have an old livejournal before this one and i look back and see how happy and artistic i was. I looked up to someone since then and I guess they inspired me to actually start inspiring people which is when i felt so happy. Now they're not even around anymore and i feel so depressed. That's not all why i feel so different though. I think i totally overlooked this inspiration thing and my thoughts now tell me to SLOWLY build my art/profile and then watch my life get happier and more exciting. Well I'm sorry to tell myself this, but why watch my self slowly go up when i can make it all happen now. I still don't have any idea what i have been feeling and i guess ever since i have gotten home schooled it hasn't helped at all. I find myself sleeping my day away and then crying about it the next day.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, I'm having a really bad year and i SO wish it can turn around. Last year i was so artistic and i used to post pictures for fun, and now i post only what i think will get me attention and obviously it's not benefiting me in any way. I'm going to start making new life choices and starting over hopefully soon. I really need to. I'm so numb i can't feel any emotions anymore. I mean, my life is getting to the point where it feels so fake and like i'm trying to impress someone when I'm not. I struggle going to the store nowadays and trust me it never used to be this way. It also has to do with my appearance. I feel so the same and when I try to dress different than i usually do, i look as if I'm trying too hard and then I look like a freakin' weirdo. It's finally going into the summer and i NEED TO try to start over and stay organized all at the same time. SO HERE I GO WISH ME LUCK!


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