Thursday, December 02, 2010

Blah Blah Blah ...

3:00 AM. Listening to the rain pouring outside. It sounds beautiful. Why is it when I lay my head to sleep and I close my eyes, a million thoughts and tasks run through my head. I'm the busiest non-busy person in the world (if that even makes sense). I have a long list of things to do, and nothing gets done. It just adds up, and adds up and adds up. Take this post for an example. Took me 24 hours more to post it than when I wanted to. Pathetic Nathan! Extremely pathetic! You can do better than this! Keep trying! You'll have your way some day ...
Possibly someday. Not today, obviously.

Where was I going with this? Oh yeah, I have a counselor now. Brendyn. He's not real but don't judge me! He's one of my personalities. Sometimes in this messed up head of mine, I like to pretend I have D.I.D. (Dissociative Identity Disorder). I've talked about it before. I made a video of me claiming I had it. I was acting, and it was another one of my social projects that didn't get completed. Maybe in the future? Possibly.

Anyways, besides all that, I'm using December to repair myself. Get organized, clean, destroy everything old and ugly, create a starting point so to speak. I usually do this every year for the last month, but this time is going to be sorta different. I'm talking TOTAL DESTRUCTION to the me you are used to. Emotional Rehab. I know it's going to take A LOT of work, a lot of sacrifices, a lot of change. But I am so ready. I've been ready for 3 years now.


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