Monday, September 30, 2013

N. G. Baker


I've been trying to write a little more than usual in this blog lately. I feel like anybody can take a photograph and slap it on a blog. And I've been writing WAY before I picked up a camera. I actually started off by typing on my sister's computer when I was 10, writing stories about trolls taking over an island and the inhabitants would have to defeat them with metal curtain rods. I eventually wrote others like one about two kids playing hide and seek in a closet and fell through a magical time portal and ending up in a world full of dinosaurs and even more trolls. Or the other one where a kid at a party jumped into a swimming pool and also got swept into a far off galaxy. My mother printed out all those stories but we managed to lose them. I definitely had a weird imagination when I was young. When I reached 6th grade in computer class, my teacher Mrs. Snowbarger (I loved her!) gave us weekly short story prompts for us to write. I remember writing about monkeys, zombies and even my own twist to "Goldilocks and the 3 Bears". The teacher eventually called me up to the front to tell me how impressed she was of my writing and how I should join an extracurricular activity called "Power of the Pen", a school club dedicated to writing short stories and whatnot. I never joined. But I always told myself I was going to be an author when I got older. It soon escalated into me getting a laptop in 2007 for Christmas so I could start writing my stories. But that's when the problems started... I found Photoshop and LiveJournal and picked up my sister's camera and dedicated myself to a new form of art. The art of photography. There isn't anything bad about that, but sometimes I forget how great I was at writing and how much I should really try it again.

Most of story writing and ideas for novels come from dreams I have. I believe it's a gift; an escape from reality. I have at least 1 to 3 (sometimes 4 or 5) dreams a night. Usually because I wake up frequently to check the time, therefore having delays in between dreams. It's scary how well that I can remember them and they're usually very odd, long & detailed, making them a perfect contender for a book. I should really work more on writing them down, but sometimes they get too overwhelming. Another odd thing is that I don't have too many nightmares, which I feel is a good thing because nightmares can be a real pain to deal with.

One topic that I tend to dream about more than others is school. High school, middle school, getting picked on, forgetting my homework, getting into fights, standing up to the bullies to whom I never could. It's weird. But usually it's a school dream about locker rooms and the men's restroom. Which is even more bizarre because it almost always ends up the same:

I always find myself walking through long locker rooms (think of a big maze) connected to men's restrooms. There's gym lockers and dirty clothes and urinals everywhere with a few stalls, which are usually locked. There's guys changing clothes.. and they all feel weird with me around as if I'm causing a feeling of uneasiness. I'm trying to get away from them, so I keep walking and walking trying to find an area to be alone (I'm guessing to change clothes myself). I can't. There's nowhere that isn't surrounded in sweaty guys staring at me as if I'm the oddball of the group. As if I'm the gay man secretly checking out these half naked straight men. Like I'm walking AIDS or something. The looks they give me is blatantly saying that I need to go to the woman's locker room to change.

Why do I keep having this similar dream? Over and over again. Same idea, different location, different people, but nonetheless the same. I believe it has something to do with my sexuality. Knowing that somehow I could never fit in with "regular" guys (sorry for going all Macklemore on everybody). The truth is, the guys in the locker rooms are all right.. I AM checking them out. I'm getting off on seeing these guys strip to their underwear right in front of me. And those dreams are ALWAYS my favorite. Wanna know another secret? I experienced the same thing while I was in school. It was something I had to deal with everyday in gym class. But it wasn't because I felt weird changing clothes around other guys (we all know I secretly enjoyed doing that), it was because I felt like the odd one out. I was the one everybody had to keep their eyes on to make sure I wasn't going to molest anyone. And for some reason that dream continues to my favorite. I just wish it would end with me changing my clothes with everybody else. And for them not to think I was any different than them.

1 comment:

  1. everyone is different in some way or the other thats what makes us unique and special :) You are truely talented and have a great personality. Keep your head help high cause your truely one of a kind. Your friend Bryan <3